What to expect on a private visit
A visit here is not an appointment with a salesperson in a lobby. Both of our homes are houses, and people live in them, so what you are really doing is being let into somebody's home.
That is worth knowing in advance, because it means the visit will be less formal and more ordinary than you may be bracing for. Nobody will ask you to sign anything, and you are not expected to decide anything that day.
Before you come
There is nothing to prepare. You do not need documents, a diagnosis letter or a list of medications for a first visit. Bringing questions helps, and it is fine for them to be blunt ones.
You do not have to bring the person who might live here. Coming alone the first time is common and often easier, because it lets you ask hard questions out loud. If you would rather come with a sibling or a friend who will remember what was said, bring them.
Arriving
You will pull up outside a house on a residential street, not a campus. Sursum Corda is at 4605 Fairhills Road East in Minnetonka. Gladys' Place is at 10210 28th Avenue North in Plymouth.
Someone will let you in and you will be standing in a hallway with coats in it. Depending on the hour, the house may be quiet, or there may be several people in the sitting room, a radio on, somebody being helped with something. You are seeing the actual afternoon rather than a staged one, and that is the point.
What you will see
You will be shown the shared rooms, the kitchen, where people sit, and outside. Ask to see a private room, and to stand in it for a moment rather than glancing in from the doorway. Rooms are private, and the question worth answering while you are standing in one is which of your mother's things would come with her.
You will also see residents. Many families find this the hardest part of a first visit, because you are seeing people at stages your own person has not reached, and it is difficult not to read it as a forecast. It is not one. Dementia does not run to a schedule, and the people in that room are not a preview of your mother.
What to ask while you are standing there
Ask who is awake overnight and what they do when somebody is up and distressed. Ask how long the caregivers have worked here. Ask what happens as your father needs more help, and whether there is a stage at which he would have to move somewhere else.
Ask to meet a nurse if one is in the house. A full-time registered nurse supports each home, and a registered nurse is on call twenty-four hours a day. Our registered nurses are Kate Skorseth and Lenora Herman.
And ask the questions you are embarrassed by. What happens when someone is incontinent at dinner. What happens when someone hits a caregiver. What happens when someone is dying. Everybody thinks these questions are rude. They are the important ones.
Arranging a visit, and when we can see you
Visits are arranged with Cari Doucette, our executive director, at 952-443-6113. She is a Licensed Assisted Living Director in the State of Minnesota.
If you would rather see the house at a particular time of day, say so when you call. Late afternoon shows you more than mid-morning does.
Afterwards
You do not have to decide anything that day, and you should not be asked to. Go home, write down what you saw while it is still fresh, and notice what you are still thinking about two days later.
If you are serious about a house, come a second time at a different hour, and bring the person who would be living there if that feels right. A second visit at a different time of day tells you more than the first one did.